Here I sit in my kitchen crying. I'm frustrated with so many things.

( WARNING- MEL you might not want to read this. You don't need to worry about any of this. Really. )

Speaking of money. We haven't got our stimulus check yet. I ear marked the money to pay for a new timing belt in the honda. Chris is dragging his feet calling about it. I am starting to loose patience. The worst thing about it is if I weren't infertile I'd be back at work. Work at a real job. A real job as in we wouldn't even qualify for the damn thing.

There you have it. I'm a horrible friend who is worthless.

I'm going to go through-up. I forgot how progesterone turns me into a barf machine.

I woke up at 5am to thunder and lightening. The workout starts at 5:45am. I wasn't going to end up in the same situation I got into with the hail a couple weeks ago. Instead I went back to bed :)
I'm going to run 7 with Erin this evening. I know I need to run a time trial. I don't wanna though. I'm afraid too. Even though from what I can tell I might have gotten faster. Plus I hope I won't be running in the fall, but I NEED to prepare in case I can. Some days my life seems really hard. Other days it only seem kinda hard.

Friday can't get here fast enough! It seems as though Chris is more excited than I am. I don't know why I'm so stressed about leaving. I'm hoping that once we get on the plane I'll be able to relax. I've been having stomach aches about paying for the trip. We took some money out of savings. That's what savings is for, right? Chris pointed out that we'll have to piece together the money for adoption and/or IVF weather or not we go on this trip. By piece together I mean selling stock and cashing in CD's.

Some days I get so pissed off that we worked so at being financially responsible. We don't by fancy TV's. We buy practical cars. We don't go out to eat much. We pay extra on the mortgage. We budget like crazy. We do allow ourselves nice vacations, but we never stay in fancy places. In fact we camp a lot of the time. I shop mostly at Old Navy and TJ Maxx. What do we get as a reward? The possibility of spending our life savings to get what most people get for free. It really makes me frustrated.

What I need to do is relax and enjoy our vacation. This trip has no bearing on whether or not we can adopt or go through IVF. It has everything to do with maintaining my sanity.