I've done some thinking, in the past couple days about the only thing I seem to be able to think about. I'm seeing a doctor who's main purpose is to get me pregnant. Which did happen. She's not gonna make me wait months and months to try again. She knows I don't ovulate very regularly. She knows the story. I've been letting things escalate in my head the past few days. It gets to the point where I'm hyperventilating and taking out second mortgages to pay for fertility treatments. I need just to focus on healing and take this one step at a time. Just like it's pointless to worry about mile 25 before you get through mile 24.

I didn't run yesterday and most likely won't today. I'm going to hold off on the running for a couple days. Every time I do the cramps and the bleeding start again. Maybe I should wait to completely heal, and then run. Plus I can't swim (or teach lessons) until I heal. Some smells still get to me, but over all I think my body is slowly adjusting to not being pregnant anymore. My bras fit again (I know some of you really want to know about how huge my boobs got). The nausea is pretty much gone. I'm gonna wait until Wednesday before I take another pg test. If it's still positive I'm gonna call the nurse and ask when I should start to be concerned that the hCG levels aren't below 5 yet.

After much debate we went out last night. I REALLY wanted to stay home and cry or something. I guess I just I wanted to wallow in my despair. Which Chris thought was a horrible idea. He convinced me to go out. We went to Flip Happy Crepes, and it was REALLY yummy. I had a smoked salmon (gotta take advantage of the banned foods), lemon caper cream cheese, and tomatoes on mine. I also got a side salad with really good feta dressing. We then met some friends and had mojitos at Union Park. Union Park used to have these really good plantain chips, but they got rid of them :(. We were home by 11. I felt kinda guilty drinking. Or I guess I felt kinda sad because I could drink. All in all I'm glad we got out of the house.

I also seem to be sleeping better. For the past two nights I've slept 7 hours straight without taking any ambien. Hopefully things will continue to get easier. I think once all of the physical aspects are healed the emotional ones might start to heal too. Right now I still have a constant reminder of what happened.