I over slept this morning. Seriously! I was supooses to meet Erin at 5:15 for a 7mile run. Instead I met at 5:40 for 4 miles. The miles felt like CRAP. I'm glad I ran and I'm grateful that Erin ran with me, but man that was the worst run I've had in a while. I then subbed for Masters, 2 workouts. I then went to work until 3pm. I am now at home until I go to HH around 5pm.

It's been a weird week. I'm feeling really scared of whats going to happen in June. I'm torn about a lot of things. It's been so nice the past couple months not having to think about the complications of cycling. I haven't had to worry about what will happen when or if different parts fail. I haven't had to juggle life around 3-4 Dr. appointments a week. In a way I've been able to live a more normal life. All the while trying again has been this dark shadow looming over everything. I want nothing more than for the IUI in June to work, then to have the pregnancy actually be a healthy one. I am also scared of trying. I don't want another failure. I want to put all this behind me for good. We can't do that without trying. Unless I change my name to Mary or something.

As for updates on other things. Here is a picture of the cucumber trellis Chris built.


Here is what it looks like when you loose a toenail from running. Just incase you hadn't been grossed out lately.

I don't usually talk about Chris and I's relationship much. Mostly because it's pretty good and I don't wanna hurt his feelings on the internet. We have our ups and downs. We have fights. Mostly though we're trying very hard to get through this together. I can't imagine going through any of this without him. That being said, we are going to start seeing a couples therapist. Mostly because this is too huge for us to deal with on our own. A woman in my support group patted my hand and said "Not all marriages survive infertility." I find that funny, I'm not worried about us getting a divorce. That's not even really in the cards. I am worried that we are both trying so hard to help each other that maybe we aren't actually helping our relationship. We've been together 12 years. We're not going anywhere. I'd just like to make sure that we both stay sane.

With all that being said. Chris does this thing that totally makes me happy. He will leave web pages open on my lap top that make me laugh. It totally helps to log on and see these silly things. Today they were:

http://i289.photobucket.com/albums/ll202/starlingx/chocolate_chip_sausage_pancakes_on_.jpg
http://i289.photobucket.com/albums/ll202/starlingx/kidsexchange.jpg
http://i289.photobucket.com/albums/ll202/starlingx/stuck_cow.jpg
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/funny-pictures-kitten-sleeps-food-bowl.jpg
http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/4/30/jurassicparkse128540730940000000.jpg

While he has his down falls, like not ever knowing what time it is or being a remote control control freak. He can usually make me laugh. Especially when he finds out that he is the best drunken singer at a Rock Band party. Apparently my husband got a 97% on a Faith No More Song. I had no choice to claim him as mine feather boas and all.

I just can't look away.

Grey's Anatomy. WTF.

I just wanted to watch mindless dumbass TV.

i wrote this
"When someone is old when they die, they had a lifetime to accumulate all the people who will remember them after they're gone. When someone dies before they are born or shortly after birth, it boils down to a few people--maybe only two people. Maybe only one. And then, without that person, the memory--that final string to this world--is gone."
Thanks Mel from Stirrup Queens.